She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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