the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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