How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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