I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
