Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
