my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
