i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She needs sedatives and a leash
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
