Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
