Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
