How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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