How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
