Got a toothbrush?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
