i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
