She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
