They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
