k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
