WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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