it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
