My friends, they love my intelligence
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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