i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
