$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
