It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
