Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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