even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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