u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you will always have a special place in my vag
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
