he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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