girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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