rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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