He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
