I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
