he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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