i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
