from now on my penis is your penis
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
