watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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