So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
