Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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