Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
