I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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