pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
