Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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