You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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