Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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