I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
