Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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