I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
