I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
