I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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