I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
