You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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