I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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