I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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