I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
