Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
